Monster
by Kathryn Hart
Summary: I must confess that I feel like a Monster!" Taking a closer look at the events of the Series 3 Episode "42", specifically, what happened to the Doctor. Doctor/Martha friendship, slight Doctor/Rose. Songfic "Monster" by Skillet.


**I've always been fascinated by the Series 3 Episode "42". David did such a good job acting, and the whole episode is filled with action and suspense. I thought the song "Monster" by Skillet would fit perfectly with what happened to the Doctor. Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, or Skillet, or the song. Obviously, spoilers for "42" and also the Series 1 Episode: "The Parting of the Ways". If you haven't seen "42" yet, I highly highly highly recommend you do, because this story will make no sense for you at all if you haven't! And if you haven't seen "The Parting of the Ways", then you need to drop everything you're doing, close this page, and watch it immediately! If you have seen them both, then enjoy! :)  
**

_Monster_

A Doctor Who Songfic by

_Kathryn Hart_

Featuring the Events of The Doctor from the 8th Episode of Series 3:

"42"

Song: _"Monster"_ by Skillet

* * *

"It's alive."

"It's alive. . ."

"It's alive!"

**_Burn with me!_**

**_

* * *

_**"_The secret side of me, I never let you see.  
I keep it caged but I can't control it.  
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly,  
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it."_

"_Something's wrong." _he thought. But he had done it. He had saved Martha from imminent destruction.

But as he gazed into the rays of the quickly approaching sun, something had gone wrong.

As he took off his helmet he felt a fire within his chest. He weakly crawled out of the room, hearing Martha running towards him.

"Doctor, are you okay?" She yelled. He felt a force within. Suddenly, he knew he had become the monster, the one killing the members of the crew. He felt a torrent of anger and fury.

"_Stay away from me!_" He yelled in a malicious voice." The power of the sun burned through his eyes.

"_It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls.  
It comes awake and I can't control it.  
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head.  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?"_

He heard the voice of Captain McDonnell. Suddenly all the missing pieces fit together, and he was furious.

_This is all her fault!_

"You mined that sun! Skipped its surface for cheap fuel! You should've scanned for life!!" He screamed.

"Doctor, what are you talking about?" He cried out in agony, trying with all his power to keep control of the monster raging within.

"That sun's alive, A living organism. They scooped out its heart. Used it for fuel and now it's screaming!!"

"How's that possible, how can a sun be alive, what's he saying?" _Weak minded humans._

**"_Because it's living in me!!"_**

"_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin.  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun.  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!"_

He was barely in control of his emotions anymore.

"Humans! You grabbed whatever is nearest and bleed it dry! You should've scanned!"

Suddenly he had an idea._ It's not too late, I'm still alive. _He screamed again, the intense fire excruciating beyond words.

"_I, I feel like a monster!  
I, I feel like a monster!"_

"Martha! You got to freeze me quickly!"

"What?" She replied, the fear evident in her voice.

"Stasis chamber. You got to take me below minus 200. Freeze it out of me!"

He hoped it would work. He groaned, knowing he was losing the fight. If they did not hurry, he soon could not be accountable for his actions.

"It'll use me to kill you if you don't. The closer we get to the sun, the stronger the link! Med center! Quickly!"

"_My secret side I keep hid under lock and key.  
I keep it caged but I can't control it.  
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down.  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?"_

"_I can't do this anymore, I can't hold on!" _He wanted to give up, but if he did, he knew it would be their he clung to what little life he had left.

"Martha, where are you?" He'd never been so scared in his whole life. He desperately needed to feel someone near, someone who cared. He had never felt anything this agonizing.

He felt the rays of the sun burn through his insides at an incredible speed, tearing up his soul, destroying his life. Martha lifted him up to enter the stasis chamber.

"Ten seconds, that's all I can take. Martha! It's burning me up and I can't control it!" _I'm becoming the monster!!_

"_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin.  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun.  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!"_

"If you don't get rid of it I could kill you!" He said to Martha. The awful realization that there was a strong possibility that he could be the harbinger of death to every living thing on this ship scared him like nothing else.

"I could kill you." He repeated. Martha was afraid for a second that he would.

"_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin,  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!"  
_

Suddenly, he remembered who he was again, and he was in control of his actions for a little longer.

He had never been this frightened of something in his entire life. In a moment immensely out of character for the usually tough Doctor, he whimpered. "_I'm scared, I'm so scared_."

It was not of death that he was afraid of mostly, but the thought of being taken over and being used to kill that unnerved him. The presence of Martha and her calming words did little.

"It's burning through me!" He knew he was very close to death. If the freezing didn't, then the burning sun would, both outside the ship and inside his body. He could barely keep his eyes closed. He wanted to give up.

But to open his eyes would spell death to all living beings on the ship. He realized why Hal would not open his eyes before his death. It would've been their destruction.

"Are you ready?" Martha said fearfully. The Doctor knew he never would be ready.

"No!!"

"_I, I feel like a monster,  
I, I feel like a monster!"_

If he thought the fire within his soul was painful, then he was not prepared for the freezing.

The rapid drop in temperature would've instantly killed any human. But he was not human. He was a Time Lord, so he was forced to suffer through it. He screamed as the living sun fought for control of his body as the temperature fell lower and lower .

He was unaware of the race against the clock as the ship headed for the sun.

"Impact in four-forty-seven." the Computer said passively.

"_It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp.  
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart!  
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream,  
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster!!"_

"_NO!!" _He screamed as he felt the temperature return to normal, knowing that it hadn't been long enough, the fire was still burning. Despite his protests, the power could not be restored.

_He knew he could not avoid becoming the monster any longer._

_He could not escape death now. _

But he could save Martha. He had to get her to leave. He would try in all his might to save her from the same fate as his. He would do everything in his power not to kill her.

He told her to vent the fuel, to give back what these humans had stolen from the sun. Maybe then, in a one in a million chance, everything would be restored.

"Impact in four-oh-eight."

"_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin._

_I must confess that I ***feel like a monster!***_

_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun,  
_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster!"_

After Martha had left, in a last desperate attempt, he crawled out of the stasis chamber, falling to the floor, hoping that he could get the power back online.

But he couldn't.

He felt a force knock him down with an intense pain deep within his stomach. It felt very similar to when he took the soul of the Bad Wolf from Rose just before he regenerated, except this time, it felt a thousand times stronger.

He was dying.

_Rose. _

He desperately wished she was here right now. She would make the pain bearable.

The Doctor had to talk to Martha, and quickly. He was losing control. He was ready to give up the fight.

"_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin.  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!  
I've gotta lose control, here's something radical,  
I must confess that I feel like a monster!!"_

"I can't fight it!!" He yelled to Martha over the intercom. Finally, he let go.

He gave himself up to the light.

He was done fighting, he had lost control.

The next three words out of his mouth brought pain to Martha's heart and fear to her soul for her Doctor.

**"_Burn with me! Burn with me Martha_!!"**

Never had so few words frightened her so much. She knew he was gone.

The Doctor opened his eyes and let the sun burn through them, letting the angry fire and passion take over his entire soul.

"Impact in one-twenty-one."

"NOO!!" The Doctor screamed with his very last ounce of consciousness.

"_I, I feel like a monster,  
I, I feel like a monster,  
I, I feel like a monster,  
**I, I feel like a monster!!"**_

_**

* * *

**_Suddenly he felt the light from his eyes and soul dissipate.

He felt the coolness surrounding him where intense heat had once been. He turned over on his back, wondering if he had regenerated. He was glad to know that he had not. He smiled as the computer said

"Impact averted. Impact averted."

She had done it, Martha had saved them, she had saved him. He no longer felt the burning light melting his insides. He stood up, human again.

_Nope, scratch that, Time Lord again. _

He laughed. He spent too much time with these silly humans. Speaking of humans. . .

He saw Martha run towards him, relief evident on her face, she threw herself into his arms, laughing in sheer relief.

He joined in her bubbly contagious laughter and picked her up off the ground, happy beyond belief that he was no longer a monster.

**~The End~**

**Please Review!! :)  
**


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